Why is it so hard to let people help?

Why is it so hard to let people help?

This question is still perplexing to me but I'm beginning to work through this dilemma but I also hope this gives the outsider a better understanding of it as well. We have been completely surrounded by wonderful family and community throughout this entire journey who have been very eager to help in anyway they can. The question is, how do I let them help? I have found it very hard to find ways to let people help us in some respects.

Let me start by talking about an easy way we HAVE been able to let people help us. Our amazing church community has supported us through bringing us delicious dinners just about every other night we've been home! They have used a really easy and helpful website called FoodTidings.com. This site makes it easy to sign up for a night and see when and what others are bringing.

This has been beyond a blessing!!! I can't tell you the last time we made a dinner! This has lightened the load for both Matt and me with one less thing to worry about. We have saved on our grocery bill and been able to eat home cooked meals as opposed to junky fast food! It was frustrating though when I had my 3-4 day spell of only being able to eat peanut butter crackers and apple sauce(??? I know,random) when I knew our fridge was full of delicious food that I sooo badly wanted to eat but at least I knew my husband was fed and didn't have to cook it himself. This again has probably been the easiest way to let people help us and what a blessing it has been!

Another way we have been blessed is by the incredible gifts people have given, whether it has been money, gas cards for driving to and from Columbus, walmart/target gift cards, diapers, wipes and formula for Carter! This has been such a huge blessing that brings me to tears just writing this as we have yet to buy diapers for Carter and the entire top of his closet is full of diapers with varying sizes! We have been sooo very blessed by community, family and friends it has been overwhelming in the best way. It has also taught me how best to help others in times of need and to help others more than I have in the past because I now have experienced first hand how much a blessing it is.

I've had many people say "let me know if you need anything" but why is it so hard to call upon people? I found that my independent nature does not lend its self easily to letting people help. I would never wish to ask for help and someone put there own obligations on hold for my needs. I'm constantly afraid of putting others out because, lets be honest, we all have our own busy lives with our own families and plenty of things to do. I know this sounds unreasonable but I would hate to be a burden to others. I am trying to get better at letting people help because I know I am robbing them of an area where they can serve but it is definitely a work in progress. Not as easy as it seems.

I've had many offers for people to take our laundry home and return the next day with it clean and folded. I'm sorry, I just have a problem with someone else washing my underwear? :/ is that my pride getting in the way? Would you let someone else wash your underwear? And I could go through it all and pull out my underwear but then did I just create more work for myself? It's been an interesting internal struggle.

Another way people have offered to help is by cleaning my house. This I seem to get unreasonably uptight about. The thought of me sitting on the couch while others labor in my own home over my own mess brings me extreme anxiety and guilt. If I had the energy to help along side of them that would be less anxiety provoking for me as I feel like I would at least be helping to some extent but I know that I don't. I realize that anxiety and guilt are not pleasant emotions and ones that God does not wish for us to have therefore I am working to push those emotions aside but it isn't always easy. And then there's that small part of type A personality that comes out because you know you do things a certain way and if someone is willing to give free labor you certainly can't correct them to have it be done your way. And sometimes the thought of just having to explain what needs to be done and where things go sounds exhausting which likely I'm blowing out of proportion. And lastly you have the factor of having to be sociable while they are in your own home. That sounds awful I know, but having little to no energy combined with my introverted personality sometimes seems like the most exhausting part of if all. Who wants to have to say, "I know you're here to help clean my house but please don't talk to me because I just don't have the energy"? No one, because that is not acceptable in our society and rude! For those reasons I have avoided letting people help in those ways and sadly to say in partly due to my pride.

I was able to share this and talk this over with the wonderful girls in my small group who I feel very comfortable around. I know now after 2 chemo treatments that the week after my treatment seems to be the worst for my energy level therefore I will be letting them come and help, even if it's to watch Carter while I go nap.

I realize that it is a blessing to let people help. They want to help and who am I to take that opportunity to serve away from them? Although very hard, I am learning that I need to push my pride to the side and let people help more. I hope this post helps outsiders to better understand the patient's perspective as well. I'm not trying to be rude if I haven't accepted your help, I'm just trying to figure out the best way to let people help.