How are you? The Loaded Question

How are you? The loaded question.

This is a question I get often. Its a loaded question that can be short or very long winded. My response depends on a few things.

1. My audience: Do I think you really want to know? Usually I find that people genuinely care and want to know. Do I feel comfortable enough with you to be vulnerable in how I am? But I have found that this is the automatic question that most people ask. I have also been surprised at some people's faces when I haven't responded with the quick cookie cutter answer of "Oh I'm good!". I can quickly tell by their response of looking away or their body language that they weren't prepared for a REAL answer to their everyday question. This I have found very frustrating. Don't ask me how I am and then not care to know the real answer! I would feel like a fake to paint an illusion for you if I just always responded "oh I'm good".

2. Do I have enough energy to talk about it? Most of the time I am fine with sharing how I truly feel but there are some days I literally don't have the energy to talk about it. Especially having the same conversation with person after person after person. Therefore my response to this question could vary depending on multiple factors. Be prepared :)

I have found my go to answer is, "It depends on the day. Today I am having a ______ day. I just have to take it one day at a time because I never know what I will have to battle that day".

So I hope by sharing this that you think twice before asking this loaded question to someone going through something tough. Be prepared for the not-so-cookie-cutter response and be prepared to listen. And don't be offended if they don't open up and share in depth details of how they are doing. They probably aren't in the mood to share or just don't have enough energy. Be prepared.